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Depression leads to Poor Decisions

In this blog, I want to talk about how this past month went and how much of a struggle it was to maintain my fitness, and how my depression led to poor choices. The one thing I feel confident about myself is my mental state. I don't get depressed often. For those that know me, I am always in a good mood and don't let emotions affect me. Even throughout the toughest times, I have kept it together. However, this past month was quite a bit of a challenge for me and my wife.

My son got sick over the Memorial Day weekend. It wasn't Covid, but he got 4 viruses and it was bad. He was coughing. He was wheezing. He had so much snot that I had to suck the crap (literal clumps of goo; disgusting I know) out of his nose every hour or so. Got a temperature here and there because he wasn't sleeping well. Wasn't eating. It was bad. The worse part was, that there were no medications to give him because everything was viral. So it was pretty much a waiting game. As a result, my wife and I got sick. I lost my voice and couldn't work for a couple of days. Not good if your job is to instruct, critique, motivate, and converse with clients.

While my son, wife, and I were recovering from our cold, I had a weekend trip coming up that was planned months in advance. This was an annual trip I started last year with 4 friends that I have known since elementary school. We hardly get together. We all live far from each other. So we booked a trip to Indio, CA. Had a nice pool so we can all relax under the sun with the kids. With all this planned, now it was up to my son's health. Then, the Friday came and I had to make the right decision to cancel the trip because I knew his condition would only get worse had we gone. I was really looking forward to the trip. Even though it was only for a weekend, that was all I needed to help me relax and decompress. Work has been busy (thankfully) for the past year and we have had to cancel Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years', and friend's get-togethers here and there, due to my son getting sick here and there.

I was depressed. So much so that when we decided to cancel the trip, I ordered Taco Bell. I haven't eaten it since my high school days (24 years). This was out of the ordinary. So much so, that my wife was surprised about me wanting it. I wasn't feeling like myself and wanted something greasy and fattening at 11 PM on a Friday night. This led to me not wanting to meal prep for the week, which is rare (I always have food ready for the week). Not going to lie, I ate more chips that weekend than I can remember. Was a complete mess of a weekend filled with gluttony and crap.

When the mind is not in the right state, you make poor decisions and this was just that. I realized I was depressed and kept reminding myself that it was not about me and that I needed to do what was best for my family. It is hard to get out of the funk, but you have to find ways, or else it's a slippery slope. As I mentioned, I don't get down often, and much has to do with my upbringing. I was raised to not show any emotions and keep everything in. It is a sign of weakness to show any emotion, that's how I was raised. Very robotic, right? So for me to get depressed, this was a lot. But, controlling your mindset is such a big part of how you approach anything in life. Fitness is heavily reliant on motivation, so if it is not there, then it is crucial you work on improving your mindset. Remember, the faster you get out of the funk, the lesser the damage. Hope you enjoyed this month's blog -Kei

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